The $64,000 question - and more

QUESTIONS – Note: I don’t know exactly what the police and/or prosecutor were obligated to share back then – that is, to what degree were they able to conclude that something was not useful and not share it with the defense? Some of these questions are based on the assumption that Carl Kuhnle, the defense attorney, did know about the interviews and/or witnesses discussed in the post below. Some echo what is stated in the post below, but are repeated as questions for ease of review. 

1. Why was June Kramer the only witness called by the defense?

2. What was the result of the examination of the blood in the stairwell, etc?

3. Why, if admissible, wasn’t information about Dennis Cordle, Bobby Confer, etc. introduced by the defense to plant a seed of doubt as to whether or not others might have been “after” Henry Cordle? I don’t really think they had anything to do with it, but wouldn’t this have been a reasonable defense strategy?

4. Why didn’t the defense call John Miller? Miller had stated that he had been spending about 75% of his time with Ustaszewski and that he had never seen the knife in question (the knife Ustaszewski alleges he purchased from Russell on 9/9/77) before 9/11/77. Why wouldn’t the defense have raised this as potential evidence of the fact that Ustaszewski didn’t own the knife in August? Note: In the trial transcript, but not in the file, is testimony regarding Morris and Soinski trying to sell a "long knife" to one of the desk clerks, Justin George.

5. What happened to the “tests” of the knife, referred to above? I know that the technology in 1977 would have precluded getting much, if anything, from a knife that has been washed, etc., but I don’t believe this was ever raised at trial. Wouldn’t it have made sense for the defense to raise the issue of the lack of blood evidence on the knife? I don’t believe they did so.

6. What about the jeans? How does one stab someone 37 times and get small stains of blood on his pants, so limited and dirty that tests are inconclusive as to anything except that they were blood? Why wasn't more made of this in the defense's closing argument?

7. Why didn’t the defense call Harold Beat to testify about seeing the black man run out of the building between 0200 and 0400 hours? Even though the interview with Soinski suggests it was not Morris, given Percy Wright’s statement this would have been worth introducing. Not only is the time inconsistent with Morris’ testimony, it is interesting that Beat saw only a black man leave and not a white man. Would Ustaszewski simply have gone back to his room after stabbing someone 37 times?

8. What happened to the photos that came from the camera? Strange, too, that the camera was clean of prints.

9. When the defense called June Kramer, why was she was not asked about the caller who threatened her and her conclusion that it was a black man who called the day after she provided the camera to the police?

10. Soinski is the mystery man here. He seems to have been a friend of Morris and he, too, disappeared shortly after the murder. Why? And, what does he know? Note: I've been in touch with Soinksi and he is puzzled by some of the material in the police file. [March 2012]

11. Why didn’t the defense call Percy Wright to testify that he had seen a black man in the victim’s room some time between 2:30 and 3 in the morning (night) of the murder? The time frame in which Wright describes having seen and heard the person completely contradicts Morris’ testimony that he was there briefly, and around 10, and fled. It would also be worth noting that he did not see a white man in the room, nor did he hear the noises he would have heard if Morris’ testimony was truthful in regard to the sounds that occurred.

12. Unrelated to the file materials, but from the trial transcript, did anyone try to track down the two men (i.e., Beady and Falsted) that CG, the informant, testified were in the cell when Ustaszewski allegedly confessed to him? Although CG stated that he didn’t believe they had heard the exchange, why wouldn’t the defense have called them to testify regarding exactly that; that they didn’t hear anything?

NOTE: I now know the above referenced inmate to actually be Jack Beatty, not Beady as indicated in the trial transcript. Again, the errors amaze me! [2 Sep 2010]

13. Unrelated to the file materials, but from the trial transcript, does anyone else find it suspicious that Ustaszewski was in jail with CG, asserting his innocence for weeks, and then, the state - having asked for a continuance - released Ustaszewski on his own recognizance only to have him suddenly tell CG he did it? And, CG's attorney was the co-defendant's (Morris) attorney, too? Oh, and CG, who was in jail awaiting trial for a first degree felony copped to a fourth degree felony? Coincidence?

14. Unrelated to the file materials, but from Ustaszewski, he eventually recalled that he had had a client at the Commodore Perry on the night of the 20th. Did anyone, on either side, investigate this? Ustaszewski said he was with a “William, or Bill, from Detroit” in room 800. Apparently nobody ever went to the hotel to see if such a person could be identified. Too late now – the hotel operation is long gone - but nothing indicates that they followed up.

15. Unrelated to the file materials, but from work of the Ohio Innocence Project. Detective Thomas Ross was the lead detective on the case. He now works as a special agent, of sorts, for the Lucas County Prosecutor's Office. After winning an appeal re the testing of DNA evidence, Ross was the person sent to the TPD property room to search for the evidence. His affidavit states that records show it was destroyed in January 1979, per the Lucas County prosecutor. As I've stated elsewhere, isn't this the fox guarding the hen house. Isn't there just a bit of conflict of interest here? 

16. The $64,000 question is whether Carl Kuhnle – currently practicing law in Toledo - simply ignored all of the options he had to for creating doubt in the mind of the jury or whether he never had any of this information? He had recently spent three years in the prosecutor’s office. Is it really possible that he thought the case was so open and shut that he just never considered that they had any other information besides the obvious? Or, did he believe it was so open and shut that he didn't bother to do more than a sham of representation?

So, unbelievably ineffective assistance of counsel, Brady violations, or both? Carl Kuhnle knows. Who else has the answers? Do they care that some whose eighteenth birthday had barely passed has now spent 32 years in prison - and that they may have contributed to the conviction of someone innocent of the crime for which he was convicted?

Summary of Notes re Toledo PD File (1977)

This will be a long post. I hadn't planned on posting this information publicly, but I am very frustrated. I can't afford to hire a PI to conduct interviews. Relevant parties I have contacted have not responded. This includes one of the prosecuting attorneys, Henry G. Harris, who has been an Episcopal priest since 1985. Clearly many members, and former members, of the so-called justice system are more interested in covering various body parts than they are in actual justice. I'm not surprised, just disappointed. I shouldn't be. But, I am. A man spends 32 years in prison for a crime evidence suggests he did not commit. And, the system churns forward. Or backward, depending on how you look at it.

In April, I received materials from the original Toledo Police Department investigative file. I'm sure it's not the complete file because of some things that should be there that are not. But, what is there is very interesting. Below are some of my notes regarding said file.

Background -
The defense called only one witness, June Kramer. She was the desk manager at the Y.

The state called several witnesses. Most were those involved in the investigation (i.e., police officers, YMCA staff, coroner, etc.). E.g., Detective Thomas Ross spoke about his interview with Ustaszewski. The coroner, Mignerey, testified about the knife wounds. The only two witnesses who spoke directly to the defendant’s alleged involvement were Michael Morris (co-defendant) and Carl E. G- (jailhouse informant). No physical evidence, confession, or other testimony linked Ustaszewski to the crime. Morris remains in prison, G- lives in Kentucky.

Regarding the police file -

In addition to routine documents (e.g., crime report, Ustaszewski arrest report, other supplemental crime reports not described here), the police file – as provided - includes the following:

1. Supplemental crime report re evidence. Among the blood evidence were “(2) envelopes/specimens of blood from the stairwell. These were given to Thomas Carroll for analysis. To my knowledge, at trial, no mention was ever made of analysis of the blood in the stairwell or fingerprints associated with that blood. Other evidence was provided to the police Property Room, PR #2343. Carroll was not called as a witness.

2. Supplemental crime report, notice to Officer E. Marok from Det. Tom Ross. The narrative requests that Marok remove various pieces of the floor “for blood comparison to ascertain if the perpetrator(s) may have been injured. . . further request you test the blood located on the wall from the victim’s room and between the second and third floor stairwell as to type.” Again, at trial, no mention - that I recall - was made of blood in the stairwell and associated analysis.

3. One potential (defense) witness to Ustaszewski's actions, knives, etc. was Cotton DeWayne Russell. He was not called as a witness. He may have no longer been alive. Supplemental crime report, “Request T.W.X.” Detective Tom Ross sent a request to the Fort Wayne, IN police stating, “DeWayne Russell, -aka- “Cotton”, W.M., age 18, D.O.B. 4/1/59 is a witness in an Agg. Murder trial this city [sic], set for Monday, 11-28-77, in Lucas County Common Pleas Ct., Tol, OH. We received information he may have been a homicide victim himself in your city. Please reply if you have had any contact or information about or on said subj/…" Nothing else on Russell appears in the file.

4. Supplemental crime report, narrative stating, “I have received information that the victim of a homicide at the Central YMCA, did in the past have a great deal of trouble with his grandson one Dennis Cordell [sic], WM early 20’s. Also that this Dennis has a record and or is wanted at this time for other offenses. I have not checked this out. The person who told me this wishes to remain unknown, but knows or knew Mr. Cordell [sic] very well prior to his death. This person also knows that the grandson and friends had abused Mr. Cordell [sic] in the past. This person thinks that the grandson is a good suspect for the murder as he has harmed the grandfather in the past. Supposedly the grandfather (victim) did not report any of this to the Police.” This report ends, “Resp. JM” and “White copies sent to Detectives Perdeau and Ross. No information regarding Cordell or others who may have had conflicts with the victim was brought out at trial.

5. Supplemental crime report, narrative of interview with John E. Miller, 248 Linden Place, White Male, DOB 11/10/52, Works at Toledo Zoo. Miller was the friend of Ustaszewski’s and whom Ustaszewski later said he was with for at least part of the evening of the 20th. He was also with Ustaszewski on 9/11/77 when Ustaszewski was arrested. This statement is fairly lengthy and speaks to how well he knew Ustaszewski, how often he saw him, that Ustaszewski never mentioned Morris to him, that he didn’t know Morris, that he bought Ustaszewski the wooden-handled knife in the brown sheath. He also noted that 9/11/77, when he was with Ustaszewski in his room, was the first time he had seen the silver dagger. This is consistent with Ustaszewski’s claim that he had just purchased it from Russell on Friday, 9/9/77. Miller was not called as a witness.

6. Supplemental crime report, narrative statement by Thomas Ross. “Officer Cutsinger [responding officer] further stated . . . once inside he saw the room in complete disarray and a large amount of blood the length of the room.” Note: Contrast this with Cutsinger’s response, in the Morris trial, to a question about the condition of the room: “Total disarray, not at all. It was neat.” Ross described his interview with the resident in a nearby room, Thomas Trotzier. Trotzier stated that he fell asleep around 2:30-3 am on the night of the murder and “heard no unusual sounds come from the victim’s room.” In this statement, Ross notes that he and Investigator Inman “found what appeared to be blood smeared on the wall directly across from the victim’s door. We also discovered some coagulated blood on the staircase landing located on the west end of the building which leads to a large greeting room on the ground floor adjacent to the night attendant’s desk. The blood in the stairwell would be located between the second and third floors…” Ross also describes being contacted by the victim’s daughter, Theresa Crowe and her husband, Charles. This describes Cordle having visited their home on 8/20, the reason he was at the Y, etc. Ross also writes, “This officer found several letters from the victim’s son, Dennis E. Cordle, who is an inmate at Mansfield Reformitory [sic]. I pulled Cordle’s package and it reflects he has been sent up for 4-25 years. On 4-9-76 for Aggravated Robbery.” Note: Dennis Cordle is elsewhere described as the victim’s grandson, apparently the correct descriptor. Again, none of this, including presence of blood outside the room, was brought out at trial.

7. Supplemental crime report, submitted by Det. Charles Perdeau. This report describes meeting Otis Moses, a case work supervisor at the Ohio Youth Commission. Moses retrieved Morris’ property from the Y, including a green shirt that the author notes, “could have been the shirt that Morris was wearing on the night of the murder. According to the witness Percy Wright, he saw a black man in the victims [sic] room and thought he was wearing a pea green shirt. The shirt recovered from Morris’ property is a dark green. I went to the YMCA with the idea of showing Percy Wright the shirt to see if he could identify it. I found that Percy Wright has moved out of the YMCA on Sept. 9, 1977 and left no forwarding address. I checked with Toledo Metro Park System where Wright was last employed. I talked to Ranger Donahue who was Wrights [sic] boss. He said that Wright only worked three days. He didn’t show up for work two or three times, then called and said he had to leave town because he beat up on some guy. Ranger Donahue said that Wright got his money for the three days work and they have not seen him since. I place [sic] the shirt in the property room. This was marked with a O M by Otis Moses and a C.P. for Det. Charles Perdeau. Moses was not called as a witness. 

8. The supplemental crime reports regarding the arrests of Michael Ustaszewski and Michael Morris (which occurred separately) are almost impossible to read. One line of particular interest that I can barely make out is that Ustaszewski appears to have been administered a polygraph exam by a “technician Alexander.” Three lines or so after that appear to refer to the exam, but are illegible. The last page ends with “homicide, then asked at this point to speak to his attorney. All questions at this time ceased and Mr. Ustaszewski was returned to the County Jail.” Ustaszewski said that a polygraph had been administered and I believe he said that they told him he failed, but it is never mentioned elsewhere. I don’t know what was permitted in 1977 re polygraph; I know that it was raised in Morris’ trial by his attorney, Paul Geller. If Ustaszewski did take a polygraph that implicated him, why wasn’t it brought out in trial? And, if he took one and “passed,” or it was inconclusive, why wasn’t that brought out in trial, if permitted?

9. Supplemental crime report, narrative report of a conversation with Mrs. Delores Carpenter, 2758 Lagrange Street, stepdaughter to the deceased, taken on 8/28/77. “She said that after the furnal [sic] and during the gathering of family and friends at one of the homes, a Belinda Clifton, W. F., who lives somewhere on Pickel Rd., address unknown, 20 yrs, who is a half sister to Dennis Cordel [sic], she is described as, “W.F., 20, 5’2”, dark brown hair, and four and one half months pregnant, employed as a Go-Go dancer at a [sic] unknown location, stated during a conversation that she remembers that back in 1971 she remembers that both Hanna and Confer [described elsewhere] were over to Henry Cordel’s [sic] home when he lived at 5622 Bannockburn Dr., both were high at the time on drugs. They came over to see Dennis, and while they were there they have Henry a hassle and as a result Henry told them to leave the home or he would call the police. They left but as they were going they threatened to get the old man. Dennis at that time told them that they would not get him while he was around. They told him that he would not always be around. She does not know how much truth there is to this information, but wanted to pass it along to see if there was anything to it. It does not appear that Hanna, Jim could have been at the residence as stated by this witness as he was in prison at the time. However, the witness further indicated that one of the Confer’s [sic] used to hang around the Monroe bar since Mr. Cordel [sic] moved into the Y.M.C.A. and it might be worth looking into this man.” This report appears to have been initialed by “N.M.” but the full name is illegible. Although I don't believe any of this information is probably relevant to the investigation, why wasn't it raised at trial and/or someone subpoenaed as a witness regarding these conflicts?

10. Document in which the top is illegible; some kind of supplemental report. This document contains information regarding the desk clerks who worked the weekend of 20-21 August. Harold Beat, a 74 year old man described as “very sharp,” said that “the night was on the quiet side, but that he did remember that a black man in his twenty’s [sic] dressed in dark clothes came running down the stairway sometime between 0200 and 0400 hours. He came down the stairway or the elevator. Mr. Beat was not sure of which. Joe Soinski, resident in room 534, then came running down the stairway which exits in front of the desk. Mr. Beat told him that the guy just went out the front door. Soinski then went back upstairs. He did not say anything to Mr. Beat. Mr. Beat said he would not know the black man if he saw him again.” Beat was not called as a witness.

11. The report includes the following: “On 8/23/77, June Kramer, the desk clerk manager, called me and said she had Kodak Instamatic 124 camera and two rolls of film. This property was turned in by a guest who found it under a stairway at the rear of the YMCA. She does not know the guest’s name, but she will try to get it the next time he comes in. He does not live at the YMCA. The camera was dusted for prints with negative results by Officer Maholak of the Bureau of Identification. The film was taken to Gross Photo to be developed.” On 8/24/77, June Kramer called me [Perdeau?] and said that at 1430 hours she got a call at the desk. She said the caller was a black man and said, “is this the desk clerk.” [sic] June Kramer said, “yes, it is.” The caller then said, “you keep your mouth shut, baby.” Then he hung up the phone. June said she did not recognize the voice. Though Kramer was a witness, this call was not raised at trial.

12. The report also describes an interview with Joseph Soinski, white male, 23, 10/3/53, and resident of room 534, about the incident that desk clerk Beat reported. The interview with Soinski states that an unknown black male had been his room around 2:30 am and had tried to take small bag of marijuana from one of the other two men in the room with him. “Soinski put this black man out of room and shut the door. About five minutes later, somebody in the hallway yelled, “I'll get you.” Soinski said he jumped up and went out into the hall to see who said that, but the person was going down the elevator. Soinski said he ran down the steps to the first floor to see who it was, but the man had gone out the front door." The other two men in the room showed up when Soinski was being interviewed and corroborated his story saying they didn't know the unidentified black man. The police are alleged to have tried to contact Soinski again only to have been told by his parents that he had "joined the circus." Soinski, it appears, still lives in Toledo. Thus, Soinski was not called as a witness.

13. The report also describes an interview with Percy Wright, a “colored [sic] male, 22 years (9/7/54). The report states, “I talked to Percy Wright in room 304. [Victim's room was 325] . . . Mr. Wright said that on Sunday morning, 8/21/77, at 0330 hours he came home to the YMCA. He said that he had been out drinking and dancing. When he came home it was raining and Mr. Wright went to his room and took off his wet clothes. He put on his bath robe and was going to the first floor to get a half pint of milk out of the machine. Mr. Wright said that as he walked by the victim's room, he noticed the door open about two inches and the light was on. Mr. Wright said he looked in as he walked by and he could see and black male with and [sic] afro wearing a pea green shirt. As he looked into the room, the door closed. Mr. Wright went down and got his milk and then returned to his room. When he walked by the victim's room this time, the door was open about three or four inches and the light was out. Mr. Wright said he did not see anything so he went to his room, which is about fifteen feet up the hall on the opposite side. Mr. Wright said he left his door wide open and drank his milk. He said he heard the victim's door close so he looked out into the hallway, but he did not see anyone. Mr. Wright then closed his door [illegible]. Mr. Wright said he did not get a look at the face of the colored male that was in the room. He said that he was sure that the man had an afro that was combed and it was fairly long. Mr. Wright said he would not know this man because he did not get a look at his face.” This information contradicts Morris' testimony regarding both the time of the crime and how long he was in the victim's room. Wright was not called as a witness.

Note: Although a search on the actual name of the informant may reveal a cached version of the blog that provides his real name, I've changed it here because I know that he spends a fair amount of time online. He may already have read the blog. But, he's one twisted SOB and I figure since his name is irrelevant to getting the word out, might as well leave it out of publicly available materials.

Photos

Finally made some time to scan the photos. Here's one of Michael, alone. You have to pay for the photos before you go to the visiting room and they won't make change so I ended up getting 7 photos since they're $3 a pop and all I had was a twenty and a one! Go here to see the younger Michael - about 27 years ago. All this time, in prison...

Michael and I, Marion Correctional Institution, 22 April 2010.

Update - April 2010

On Monday, 19 April, I met with a private investigator in Columbus, Ohio who had been successful in obtaining the police file on the crime for which Michael was convicted. Some of the copies are unreadable and I'm sure there are things missing. For example, there was a witness who testified in court who must also have been interviewed during the course of the investigation, but there's no paperwork on that. There is, however, a lot of other interesting paperwork.

I'm hesitant to post any particulars because I wouldn't want to give anyone a specific heads-up - if we are ever able to have the PI or Ohio Innocence Project conduct some interviews - about what it is we find suspicious. Let's just say that I was shocked at some of the information that is contained in the file that never came out in trial.

Right now we're at kind of a standstill as I'm not in a position to travel to Ohio and hope that people will talk to me, yet neither can I afford to hire the PI to do the work. But, I'm going to keep trying to get the word out - maybe some benefactor will come along who wants to make a donation in the name of justice. As you'll see, with the "button" to the right, there's now a way to contribute to these efforts. Unfortunately, we're not in a position - at least not at this point - to file for tax exempt status. Thus, donations are not tax deductible. But, every little bit helps and is appreciated more than words can say.

I visited with Michael for six and half hours on 22 April. I think he's having a hard time right now. He had a conflict over the art room and is, as I understand, banned for 30 days. I think his art is a major part of what keeps him going so that's hard for him. Then, he has a parole hearing next month. He was meeting with the psychologist and was told that there was something in his history that wasn't true. He didn't handle it well. I think he also wonders if she didn't just say that to gauge his reaction. He's going to try to follow up with the warden.

He knows that he'll be denied parole again so it's not that he's hopeful. He's been denied six or seven times because, as you might know, if you don't "accept responsibility for your crime," you won't get paroled. And, as an innocent person, Michael can't accept responsibility for Henry Cordle's death. The big question, I think, is whether his next parole date will be 2012 or 2015. He was getting two year "flops," but, as I understand it, last time, they made it five years. So, between the art room, the conflict with the psychologist, and the upcoming hearing, I think he's a bit more stressed than usual.

I shared the contents of the police file with him and, suffice it to say, he, too, was shocked by some of the contents. It's hard knowing that there are leads to pursue, but that we're just not in a position to do that right now. And, of course, even if we get really good material, the hurdle to getting him a hearing is quite high. But, one step at a time.

So, that's about it. I'm still on the road, but when I have a chance I'll scan a current photo of Michael and add it to the blog.

Please - whether you're family, friends, prison volunteers, or you just stumbled upon this blog because it came up in a search - spread the word. Michael has been incarcerated since he was eighteen years, six months, and twenty-eight days of age. He turned fifty last June. He never should have been incarcerated for this crime. It's time to find a way to exonerate him.

Quick Note

I spent six and a half hours with Michael today. He mentioned that some of the folks from the Kairos of Ohio Prison Ministry had visited the blog, but hadn't been able to leave comments. I have now enacted the comments feature. They will require moderation, but will be posted shortly after I receive a message that a comment has been left.

I hope to soon have the time to post an update about work on Michael's case. Thanks for visiting!

Ohio

Ohio Enacts Historic Reforms
"A bill signed into law today by Ohio Gov. Ted Strickland will enact sweeping criminal justice reforms to help free the innocent from prison, prevent wrongful convictions and apprehend the real perpetrators of crime."

More From Ohio: "A Wonderful Day for Justice."
"As we reported here, Ohio yesterday enacted one of the most sweeping packages of reforms to address wrongful convictions in the nation. In the video above, Ohio Governor Ted Strickland says the plight of the wrongfully convicted was a driving force behind the legislation. 'Being in prison – year after year after year – knowing you are an innocent person, is one of the worst things I can imagine.'"

For the full article from the Innocence Blog, click on the links, above.

So, Ohio did something pretty great. My question is this: What are they going to do about those cases in which the evidence was destroyed? Reminder: According to the affidavit of the Lucas County investigator sent looking for the evidence by the court, pursuant to Michael's request for post-conviction DNA testing, the evidence was destroyed in January 1979 - under the order of the prosecutor. And, yes, this was within days of his direct appeal.

I'm glad to see these changes, but are we just going let folks languish in prison because the state didn't see fit to act reasonably in times past?

February 2010

I just received a letter from Michael. It's a bit more introspective than some. I thought I'd post a few lines here, as written..

You know, after assessing my life over a spann of about forty some odd years, I came to the conclusion that when I came to prison I was actually a mess. 18 years of age, fresh out of the Ohio Youth Commission for about the 6th time, not very eduacated, litterally grew up through an imprisoned envirnment - all of my younger life as a child and a youngster and my teenage life. Never having grew up in a stable life or in a home where there is a happy mother and father with brothers and sisters all around, I lacked everything... It literally took my coming to prison to grow up and mature! I had stopped blaming everyone for my problems and accepted the responsibility of where I failed. I began to forgive those who I had felt had abandoned me...

I just didn't want to be the person that incarceration was trying to mold me into being. Some of the people I know who have got sucked into the system are on death row right this very moment, and others have fallen over dead by the use of drugs, and others have gotten so bitter on the inside because they wouldn't change, will probably never get out of prison until they are carried out on their deathbeds! I see and hear of them everyday, and that makes me think way back into my life, and it helps me to be able to be grateful for how I turned out in life. I am able to sit back and count all my blessings and thank God for talking to me way back when he did when I was in that 6 by 8 cell.

As I see it now, there is always more room for improvement, but when it comes to further incarceration, I can only come to the conclusion that enough is enough. They are getting too carried away with it! I have been truthful every step of the way, even to the parole board, but they too will not accpt what I say is truth, they want to give me a parole if I confess to a crime I am innocent of!

I sit in my cell and I weep to an invisible God to please help me! Sometimes it seems He is gonna help, and the I have to wait. I see this, that and the other people keep getting cleared of their crimes through DNA, and I cry out to God, "When is it gonna be my turn Father?" I somehow feel encouraged to keep believing and trusting in faith the He will somehow help me! Other times the devil tell me to just hang it up and hang myself because I am never getting out! I certainly do not want to hang myself, I want to live. And why should I kill myself when I didn't do anything. Hell, I want to be free, and if I kill myself I won't be able to be free. I am afraid that if I kill myself the truth will finally come out about my innocence, but I won't be able to be free to enjoy being found not guilty. And, I have to much to live for, and that my life is more useful than being dead. I often have read about many lives who have been torn apart, never to recover fully, and some have been mended back together! I just know that my life can probably inspire somebody elses! I just don't believe that my being put on this earth was meant for me to be in prison all of my life, I know there is more to this life than being locked up...

There are times like right now when I just want to get away from everyone and yell out, smash my fists against the wall and just cry myself to sleep in order to feel some relief in my heart and my soul! The pain is so real inside, and there is an emptiness, even though I feel I have accomplished alot in my own personal life, it feels hopeless alot of times!

Can you imagine going to prison at 18 and turning 50 behind bars? That would be bad enough if you were guilty. But, what if you were innocent of the crime for which you were convicted?